One day more~~~

Dec. 11th, 2025 07:51 am
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[personal profile] totchipanda
Payday tomorrow. I am very excited to be able to get groceries or take-out whenever I like and not be worrying about a payment I might have missed. It's coming up on the first anniversary of this debt insolvency and while I'm in a better position overall*, I still gotta figure out this "don't end the month with not enough $$ for cheese". (I already bought cheese, don't worry.)

*I did purchase that flight to NYC, and I also have $100 in cash for that trip set aside that I could have used to at least stay fed. There is no way I could have managed that pre-insolvency.

As recently as this weekend, I had anxiety surrounding the trip. Every time I thought of it, I would feel the knot bloom in my chest. I want to pay attention that knot, because I have had more than one trip in the past where I had a similar feeling, ignored it, and suffered the consequences. I talked about it with my therapist, and she asked some probing questions like, is it just because of travelling (yes, that is a given, I get anxious surrounding road trips to the next city), is it something else, what? I didn't have answers then, and I don't have answers now. But starting this week, it hasn't been so large or so urgent. I'm still keeping an eye on it.

Yesterday was a "nap, snack, and sleep" kinda night. We'll see what happens tonight.

Dispatch

Dec. 10th, 2025 09:27 pm
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[personal profile] renegadefolkhero

Running on fumes for this one, lads, but I just started my third PT and wanted to hugalgalghagh while it was fresh.

Dispatch is an enjoyable game. I love the characters, the voice acting is great, one of the romances is baller, and the game mechanics integrate well with the story and help immersion. The gameplay is basically Bioware's field banter overlaid on a puzzle. So if you love banter, there's a ton of it, and most of it is funny.

Someone on Steam said something like, "People who get the bad ending and are confused and upset by this have Marvel brainrot" and I'm inclined to agree with that assessment. The outcomes feel earned, and Dispatch aspires to the classic American Superhero ethos that focuses on honesty and preservation of life. Heroes don't kill people. Heroes also take their lumps, and tell the truth.

Now! good/bad with spoils

Read more... )

The ugly:

After the second PT I searched online to see if I somehow missed something and I came across multiple sites with guides for romancing Malevola and Phenomaman. These routes do not exist. The sites are evidently AI generated hallucinations. ugh.


Anyway, I've planed to do a third asshole hero run, assuming I don't lose interest, and I've found some of the asshole choices I didn't take before are pretty entertaining. Surely, by the end of this I will have netted all the cheevos. Surely.

solarbird: (korra-on-the-air)
[personal profile] solarbird

Anders Puck Nielsen speaks on the Trump/MAGA’s new U.S. National Security Strategy document:

It is official US policy to work towards regime change in European countries, and to weaken or even destroy the European Union.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAh-xEteBz4

This is correct. The document is very clear on that point. But here’s more from Anders:

The United States sees it as a strategic priority… that MAGA movements come to power in Europe, and they intend to use the means that they have to support such movements in the fight against the current centrist governments.

These are some very dramatic statements that have raised deep questions about whether there is any foundation for NATO to function going forward if the United States sees it as a strategic priority to undermine the governments of other NATO countries. …

It’s really hard to see how there can be an alliance any more. The reality is that the views expressed in this [policy document] are in many ways identical to the Russian viewpoints on Europe and the Russian goals of regime change in European countries.

He further discusses the document’s demands for ‘free speech,’ in the sense of ending social media moderation and opposing the exclusion of hate speech, the lifeblood of MAGA fascism. There are several demands in the document around these topics, which he sees – correctly – as focused on helping Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg push MAGA/fascist propaganda into Europe through their algorithmically-driven propaganda machines.

Elon Musk’s “X” is the bigger threat, of course. As Nielsen puts it: “If you’re European, then it is a national security priority to stop using X.” Elon Musk bought Twitter to turn it into a fascist propaganda fountain, as opposed to Zuckerberg’s primary intention of making as much money as possible, working with fascists if that’s what gets the job done.

I have, of course, been saying that it’s time to stop using X since a few months into Elon Musk’s takeover of the site because of this exact reason, but, well – who the fuck listens to me?

Anders’s final key takeaway here is that this document doesn’t show a MAGA-led US deciding not to care at all about Europe, but instead shows a US deciding to care very much about Europe – mostly western Europe – with the specific and stated intention of installing MAGA governments, telling Europe that they must be MAGA – fascist – to be allied with the US.

This move would be an extension of what MAGA see as “their” western hemisphere, which other than western Europe means North and South America, including Greenland.

Naturally, this process would include granting Russia and Trump’s second-best pal Putin their own sphere of influence in the east. This portends the US’s impending betrayal of Ukraine, and later, a betrayal of the Baltic states, Poland, probably a couple of others (Moldova? Romania? Bulgaria?) as well.

But why? Does Trump love Putin and Orban that much?

I believe It’s more than that, and more than Trump’s ego, believe it or not. It’s more than his desperate longing to be a dictator and it’s more than his sheer will to steal every dollar in sight. Trump and MAGA, well… they are definitively fools, morons, white nationalists, imperialists, longing for a white imperial past. But I still think that Putin has more choate strategic plans than Trump, and I still think Ukraine is a climate war, so…

…shall I post this line again? Sure, I’ll post this line again. Here’s what I think Putin really wants – not what he’ll get, what he wants. It’s a minimum goal, to “secure” the nation:

A map of eastern Europe with a red line running along northern Czechia, Slovakia, Hungary, halfway through Romania before turning west again to bump up against Serbia, running along the eastern end of Serbia, before cutting Bulgaria in half, separating north from south.

That’s oversimplified, of course, but this is a small map and a big thick line. The reality would be far different, and most likely more like existing national boundaries, but still: it gets the idea across.

Meanwhile, when Russian maximalists and propaganda shills talk about how “we should march all the way to Paris” – which they do, repeatedly – here’s what I think they want:

A map of non-Russian Europe showing a red line along the south of France over to the north border of Switzerland through Austria to the north border of Slovakia, the soutnern border of Poland, the southwest tip of Ukraine, before contining as above though Romania, Serbia, and Bulgaria to the Black Sea.

And what do these lines have in common?

Mountains.

Tall, easier to defend, mountainous, migration-blocking borders.

It’s simple-minded in a lot of ways, I suppose, but so is keeping the border at the Rhine and that kept French foreign policy busy for a few centuries, so border politics don’t have to be all that complex.

Putin et al – they know climate change is real. Trump’s a decaying fool and might not know now if he ever did, but Putin? He knows. But heading a petrostate dictatorship with lots of far-northern land? He doesn’t want to stop it, because it’s the outsourced expense of allllllll Russia’s money, and if billions die, well, that’s the cost of doing business.

I call map one Putin’s Wall. Map two? Let’s call it Solovyov’s Wall, since as far as I can tell he’s the most famous proponent of “marching all the way to Paris.” Soloyvov’s Wall isn’t attainable – it won’t happen, it’s (ugh) aspirational – but I do think Trump wants to give Putin his wall, and that Putin has enough trust in Russia’s ability to handle MAGA that he’s willing to let Trump and his replacements handle the west.

Personally, I think MAGA has enough interest in a semi-mythical White Europe that they’re willing to do it. As long as they’re lead by the right – white, fascist – governments.

Hence, this hideous betrayal of a document.

That said, let me be real clear about something: On their own, Russia cannot attain Putin’s Wall. It’d take a complete American betrayal and European capitulation for them to have any chance. They cannot do it alone.

But thanks to MAGA and Trump, they’re on the edge of getting that American betrayal. They want to push that betrayal to completion. If they get it, then they’ll help the US make MAGA happen in Europe, in order to get the second necessary condition of European collapse and capitulation.

Russia’s no match for the EU as a whole. But torn apart? Picking off one little country at a time is… it’s not easy, it’s absolutely not, but they’re willing to kill as many of their own as is necessary for as long as is necessary to do it. Particularly if they’re ethnic minorities. And since nobody wants to flee a climate disaster to a war zone anyway, so he wins either way. Whether deterred by mountains or by war, refugees would go elsewhere, or not at all.

And that’s why I think this is a climate war. Not a war triggered by climate changes in Russia, but by Russia wanting to keep oil and gas going forever and keep out the people that will starve and kill.

You noticed Iran saying that Tehran will have to be abandoned as a capital, didn’t you? It’s more corruption and incompetence than climate change – but it’s a bit of all three. Climate change has moved the timetable. Made things worse. And yet, we’re just getting started.

So, then. Where are we? Ah, yes. How this all plays out.

There’s a bit of a feeling out there that Trump is weakened and even some who think that this nightmare is… more or less over. That Trump is a “lame duck,” that there is no MAGA without him.

That’s partially true. Trump is weakened. MAGA is, too, and they’ve been dependant upon his stardom – and fandom – to reach critical mass. They will be badly wounded – but not out – once he goes.

But none of that means this is over. The more trouble MAGA and Trump think they’re in, the more Trump and MAGA will lash out, trying to push their fascist power fantasies into existence. We will all see more betrayals, more sabotage, more oppression – the ICE army of white supremacists they’re working to summon into existence, funded by the so-called “big beautiful bill,” will actively work to dwarf the violence and abuses we’ve seen this year.

It’s their vision of the future, and they’re going to fight for it. It’s what they want, it’s what they’re all in to get, and it’s what they will do anything to achieve.

And they will not go down quietly. Take heart in the recent massive election shifts. Take heart in Trump’s decay and weakness and failing… opinion polls. Take heart in the America First/MAGA civil war. Take heart in all of it.

But do not, for a moment, think this is actually over.

Posted via Solarbird{y|z|yz}, Collected.

(no subject)

Dec. 9th, 2025 08:27 am
totchipanda: (Default)
[personal profile] totchipanda
Yesterday's lunch meeting's lunch was delicious, a burrito bar! I piled my plate high lol. Afternoon got rocky as my boss started yelling at us for doing our jobs? I'm still not sure what the thought process was on that. So when I got home finally I opened up the laptop and started browsing Indeed.

Dinner was mac and cheese. I'd made the (gluten-free) mac on Saturday so it disintegrated a little in the reheating, but was still texturally acceptable and delicious. Did a pan of dishes and am starting to reclaim my counters again (depression is a bitch!). I'd been so cold in my apartment and the heaters in the back half of the apartment seemed to be not working and were cold, so I put in a request and someone came while I was away. Apparently I had all the dampers closed and at least the bedroom window was open the tiniest bit, so... no wonder it was cold! It's still COOL, but is no longer cold. I can deal with cool, I have many warm layers to utilize, but there's only so many things one can do until it becomes untenable.

Four rows of knitting done and a handful of words written last night. Tonight I must make something that I can bring for tomorrow too, and then my local group is having a writing night so I will try to work on something.

2025 What did I make

Dec. 8th, 2025 09:18 am
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[personal profile] totchipanda
  1. Brown sateen Scout dress
  2. Teal blouse with long sleeves that are too short
  3. Many mock ups with no corresponding finished projects
  4. Turquoise Rita blouse
  5. Mariner dress
  6. Plaid Scout dress
  7. Green Anni dress
  8. Navy Ingrid skirt
  9. Brown houndstooth Millicent skirt
  10. Blue Honor Roll blouse
  11. Started a swatchbook
  12. Striped skirt (unfinished)
  13. Chambray Boardwalk dress
  14. Ginger sailor pants
  15. Society dress
  16. Banyan
  17. Pet-en-l'air (unfinished)
  18. Charlotte mantle (technically finished)
  19. Polka dotted Marlene blouse
  20. Hemmed curtains
  21. Pink silk half-slip


More than I thought, TBH! I literally have not sewn anything since the end of September for whatever reason. Partly due to the plethora of fruits and veggies currently living on the table. Time to get those cleared out and back to work!

woe, woe is me

Dec. 8th, 2025 08:00 am
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[personal profile] totchipanda
I am this weeks tummy ache survivor champion!! Either my all-soup diet got to me, or something in the soups did, or... who even knows, but my tumtum was very unhappy. Let's just say there was a lot of liquids. I vowed to have more solid food over the weekend, but even that was tricksy because my tum got upset after my nap on Saturday and stayed unreliable through Sunday.

Boss and Loud upset me on Friday, this time with rants about charitable donations and how people utilizing the food bank shouldn't have pets. Thursday it rained and Friday it snowed, so I went to the market for coffee cream as it was easiest to get to and didn't involve icy roads. Also picked up cheese (non-negotiable staple in my house) and sour cream for a planned dinner. We won't talk about what I had for dinner that night, it was entirely inadequate as a meal and entirely within the things I do when I feel really out of control and trapped.

Saturday I made oatmeal for breakfast and then headed out to pick up the sewing machine light bulbs I won at an online auction. They are only open until 5 during the week so I must go on Saturdays, and last Saturday they were closed because they were moving to their new location. Also it was good just to get the car moving, and the roads weren't too bad. Lunch was mac with butter, cracked pepper and parm. Had a nap and then woke up to feeling utterly horrid and I don't even remember what I had planned for dinner but it was not happening.

Sunday I made waffles for brunch but could barely get through the two I ate. Dinner was meant to be chicken fajitas with all sorts of sides but I kept forgetting to take chicken out, so I just cooked up onions and peppers in the seasoning, along with coleslaw and avocado. I did a pan of dishes, and then started feeling really woozy so I went to sit in the hallway (where it was cooler) for a minute. Snack later was another half a waffle.

In terms of "what did I accomplish", I finished Clue 3 of my mystery knit-along shawl, which was meant to be done on November 30 lol. Had to recover some of it, including dropped stitches, when I didn't seal the bag well enough and Calcifer got into it. It is now on longer needles and tucked out of her reach. Located the bands I'd bought for the sewing machines with pot motors and set that up, plus ran some test stitches (still gorgeous). Finished the main focus of my crossword book that I'd purchased on my way to Michigan last year, so that can go into recycling now. Watched a couple hours of YouTube videos that I was very behind on.

Got my latest subscription stickers and they are so pretty. I'm still super torn on starting the final pages of my journal or waiting for another one for the full year. On the other hand, starting a new journal for February means starting it with the Lunar New Year. Why am I like this lol (it is the neuro spicy).

Last night I was up late because of course I was, and just as I was felling asleep there was a noise that woke me up, so it was another hour before I could nod off. Then I somehow turned my alarm off. Thankfully still woke up before I needed to be out the door, so I got that going for me. On my way out, I grabbed my leftover fajitas for lunch, entirely forgetting that I have a lunch meeting today with lunch provided! Sweet, I'd also been wondering what to make for dinner so that I could have leftovers tomorrow, but now I can have fajitas then! Woo!

(no subject)

Dec. 4th, 2025 07:48 am
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[personal profile] totchipanda
In the spirit of "I'm just a baby!" it took me 3 evenings to complete my list. Fridge clean up involved moving some of the definitely not great anymore foods to the freezer. Made foods, and yesterday I washed a pot of dishes. A literal pot, I needed it for soup, but the water was warm enough that I got three (3) mugs washed and poured the water into the previous night's rice pot and washed that too. Eyyyyy.

Tonight I need to make one more night of food before it's weekend time and I get really lackadaisical about eating in general. I have to get a couple of groceries (namely coffee cream) before the weekend so I'll see about picking up some snacks too.

Yesterday I spent awhile looking at various methods and ideas for journaling. My January stickers are due to arrive today. I have space for one more month in my current book, and then only a partial month after that. I am torn between wanting to start a whole new year in a new book, or just keep going and start a new book with February. I definitely do NOT want a partial month so I will need a new book before oh, mid-January. I found some really fun options through these videos (spoopy Moonshade collection by Archer & Olive; CATS and other fun designs by Tiefossi; reading journals by the Quirky Cup Collective; Notebook Therapy's understated designs; so many more!!) before remembering that Michaels exists and has inexpensive journals. (I'd really like a nice one though.) I'm buzzing with motivation to make a fun journal that works for me in the new year.

One video talked about cyclical planning with quarters rather than month by month, and I think I'd like to try it at least once. Especially here in December, when we're all thinking about reflections and the like, I cannot remember the beginning of the year that well. Three months is a good amount of time for me to hold onto. This is partly why I'm not sure if I want to break up part of this cycle/year across two notebooks, I could do a lot of planning and prepping and January in the current one, but then I'd be referencing it all the time with a new book in February. I'm inclined to wait. (Can't do nuffin' til next week, I have enough money left for some groceries and that's it!)

I do think the cute cat gridded notebook I picked up a couple months ago could be dedicated as a reading journal. It's not so many pages and thus contains less failure lol. And the cats are cute.

(no subject)

Dec. 2nd, 2025 08:11 am
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[personal profile] totchipanda
Me yesterday morning: I'm going to do ALL THE THINGS!!
Me yesterday afternoon: I'm just a baby, I can't do anything!

I got two out of the four things I'd planned done, so that's something. I made a light soup with enoki mushrooms, my first time trying them, and they weren't bad! The broth was delicious. Going to be a yummy lunch too. I washed what's left of my hair as soon as I got in the door (changed and wrangled the cats inside). ANd instead of knitting, though I had it handy, after eating I worked on my journal. And then it was time for bed.

Tonight, hmm. I need to make another food (how does this keep happening) and I'll try to get some of the other things done. We'll see.

(no subject)

Dec. 1st, 2025 08:10 am
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[personal profile] totchipanda
Bi-weekly budgeting doesn't help much when I forget two major expenses that happen every month, sheesh. Extra glad I didn't decide to treat myself, it's gonna be a stretch to get through the next two weeks!

Friday ended up being more of a "rot on the couch" night. Saturday I did a little knitting, went to the cafe to meet the local people and arrived home to tell the tale (they were very much My People, I had a yummy drink and a yummy treat, took the train both ways because I've been in that neighbourhood before and the street parking is tricksy with the high-density housing all around, and worked on my journal), ordered in a dinner, and rotted some more.

Woke up at 1:30 am with a very unhappy tummy. In thinking about what I ate over the past two days, there was really nothing out of the ordinary for me, so who knows what upset it. I didn't get back to sleep until after 5am, and woke up again at 1030. I wanted to just rot at home, but there were PUPPIES waiting for us, and I was OK as long as I was sitting, so I rotted on their couch. With puppies.

THEY ARE SO STINKING CUTE. 9 weeks old, so wee, so sweet, so happy to see people, utterly fearless. SO SOFT AND WARM.

Nicole shaved my head for me before it got too dark. Sheesh there was a lot of hair on my head! We left maybe an hour later. Got home and crawled right into bed where I remained for the entire evening. Slept a good 7 hours. My tummy is still not thrilled but it's a lot better.

Today I should like to catch up on some of the things I put off over the weekend. Make a food, clean out the fridge a bit, dishes, wash the rest of my hair. Knit some more, it's an excellent cat-cuddling activity.
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